Family Bonds
by Gummybear1178
Summary: There are fathers and there are dads There are mothers and there are moms. A force bond conversation between Rey and Ben/Kylo Ren post TLJ SPoilers for TLJ and a small spoiler ish for the book Bloodline


_Spoilers for TLJ and small spoiler ish for the book Bloodline (Amazing Book by the way)_

Sometimes all they want is a little bonding. Sometimes all they want is to talk to you. To be near you, when you pay attention to them. Not distracted by everything else. Maybe things would have been different, Ben Solo would have stayed Ben Solo.

* * *

Han Solo. The Smuggler. The War Hero. The racer. The husband of Princess Leia. A father... Not a Dad.

There is a difference between and Father and a Dad.

Fathers, are those who are paternally blood related, while Dads, are the ones there for them, the ones who spend time with the their children, the ones who care, and show it.

Han Solo was a father, he cared about his son but was never around. And that was all Ben Solo wanted, he didn't want to be showered in presents, rather presence. He didn't care about attending huge functions with his father, he wanted to talk to his father. Not just small talk rather, actual conversation not a silence filler.

It was sad how little Ben knew about Han that didn't come from the news.

Who knows, maybe if they hadn't sent him away, if they hadn't neglected him, if they hadn't forgotten about him, if they hadn't lost hope in him, if they hadn't.

If...

If...

So many Ifs, and What Ifs. So much could have been prevented.

* * *

Kylo Ren sat in his chambers sitting quietly, thinking. Just days after the attack on Crait. He thought hard on Rey, the girl, the mystery, the one thing he couldn't make full sense of in this situation. As he sat there and thought, a small shift in the force around him occurred and he knew that small shift well. He looked up from where his face was buried in his hands reveal a tear streaked face, to meet the girl who had been the one to lead to all of this thinkings eyes. Deep brown eyes filled with great concern and compassion, not something he deserved.

For what felt like hours they stared at each other, taking in the others harsh appearance. Ben, or Kylos whoever he was he wasn't quite certain yet, with his puffy eyes, tear stricken face, dark colored bags under his eyes, defeated look surrounding him, and his beautiful deep brown eyes showed only heartbreak and misery.

Rey, with bags under her eyes, her posture slouched over, as she had stopped having the strength to try and make herself seem alright when it was no longer needed in front of those who looked to her only for hope.

They were both broken. Both from this war and many other things. Both were broken from completely opposite yet similar harsh childhoods.

"Rey." Ben spoke softly, as only such a soft voice could have come from he.

"Ben?" Rey asked carefully

"Are you okay?" He asked slowly though he already knew the answer.

"No, and are you?" She asked also already knowing the answer

"No. When is the last time you slept?"

"A few days ago, and you?"

"Same."

"Come see" Ben say and gestured for her to come towards him as he moved to where his back was up against the wall as he sat on his bed.

Uncertain as to what was about to occur Rey walked slowly over to the ben at sat down gently on the soft and cushioned blanket.

"Lay down. I promise I won't hurt you" Ben said moving the blankets gently on the queen sized ben, one that had always felt to large and empty for him.

Reluctantly she complied, climbed under the moven blanket rolling over to where she was watching him and then gently she laid her head down on his pillow . It smelled strangely like him, an indescribable scent, but one that comforted her oddly enough.

"Do you trust me?" Ben asked, though he felt the answer would be negative he still asked

"Is Ben or Kylo asking?"

"... B-Be-" He stopped himself from saying a name he had barely spoken in over a decade, especially so delicately, and took a deep breath "Ben."

"Then yes."

 _Ben_ gently moved over until he was sitting just inches in front of her face. He gently puts and gloved hands on each side of her head and gently lifts her head into his lap. She tenses at first but then relaxes. Uncertain of what to do in these situations. Gently he started to undo the simple half up half down hairstyle that she had her hair in, and gently started running his gloved hands through her hair when she reached up and grabbed his hands gently, and looked at him as though asking permission. He froze for a second before given the smallest nod.

She gently took and pulled his gloves off of his hands and put them on the nightstand, and released her hold on his hands.

He then waited a moment and continued to run his now bare hands through her hair, freezing a moment when his hands made contact with her soft hair and warm skin.

"Tell me a story from your childhood" Rey said suddenly.

"I don't like to think of my childhood"

"Why?" Rey asked curious

"It wasn't the greatest. Yours was probably worse, but mine still wasn't great."

"What do you mean? I would have loved to have parents who cared about me when I was little"

"They didn't care about me." Ben said with a small laugh "Not really anyway"

"What do you mean? All they wanted was to get you back when I met them"

"But did you ever wonder why?"

"Because you are their son"

"Wrong. Because they want to fix their mistakes."

"and what mistakes are those?"

"Their parenting skills. They were the war heroes, and they could do no wrong. They were the definition of perfection, at least that was what everyone who wasn't me thought."

"What do you mean?" Rey asked honestly curious slowly sitting up and changing positions to where she was leaning up against the wall and onto his shoulder.

"I'll start from more towards the beginning, it's the only way you can even be able to slightly understand more."

"See that's why you don't' need to kill the past, it makes things now make more sense."

"hush" Ben said in a fake annoyed voice with a hint of humor in his voice "Do you want to hear the story or not?"

"I do,"

"Then hush" He said with a small smile. "When I was little my parents were always busy, my mother with the senate and trying to get rid of the last remnants of the Empire, my father galavanting around the galaxy being celebrity hosts at different space races, and flying in a few while he was at it. Occasionally he would bring me with him and when he did I was so excited, I was so happy just at the thought of getting to spend some time with him. There was a few times where he would let me sit in his lap and help steer the Millennium Falcon. I loved being around him. I was always wanting to bond with him, but it was so rare I would actually ever be able to see him, and with my mother so busy with politics and all of her other stuff I was basically raised by C3-PO and occasionally Artoo when he was around. Some of the moments I treasured most from my childhood were the few times my parents were around. It was so rare. But when I was little I thought it was completely normal like that was how everyone else grew up, then I went to school. I was popular there, but not because of who I was rather who my parents were, I always lived in their shadow, that or my uncles. Eventually I just shut myself off from everyone at school because they didn't care about me they cared about who my family was, so I put on a mask and acted like the person they wanted me to be. I was rejected by everyone unless I was that person they wanted me to be, it was the only way i felt even a hint of a sense of belonging. Then when I was about 7 I started hearing Snoke in my head, he became my best and only friend. I tried to tell my parents about my new friend, they just ignored me and gave me answers that were never thought through just sounds coming out of their mouths then telling me to go play in my room or something they were busy. Eventually my mother started to sense the darkness that had been as she thought being planted by Snoke once she finally realized what I had said to her about him. Despite her not actually realising those seeds of darkness were planted by me, when I would feel their resentment towards me and my sadness. Eventually I realized they would pay more attention to me when I would touch the dark side. Though the look of disappointment in my father's face over that was nothing compared to when I first used the force around my father knowingly and proclaimed I wanted to be a Jedi. He was so disappointed in the fact I didn't want to follow in his footsteps. I remember always being amazed by my uncles powers. So when his Jedi academy was up and running, and my mother had seen more of the darkness in me she sent me away to him. I was a little excited at first when I got there, because I was finally learning to be a Jedi, just like I had always wanted. Until it hit me when my parents left, they were abandoning me to my Uncle. They had finally admitted that they had lost hope in me, I wasn't worthy to be their son. So I through myself into my training, I was happy to at least have my uncle around me, that was until I didn't. Luke Skywalker the Jedi Master was there but my uncle wasn't. I was just another student who he was disconnected emotionally from, me more than the others. He pushed me harder than the others and I was okay with that, until nothing I did was good enough. I didn't have friends at the academy either. They either hated me because I was too good, or because there was favoritism, there was no winning. Then when I was almost seventeen I found out more about my family, but not from my family, rather the holo news. That is how I found out my grandfather was Darth Vader, not through my family who knew about it, no from the news. I was so enraged over it, I wouldn't come out of my room for days except to eat. But before I shut myself off I went to talk to Luke, at that point he was no longer my uncle. He gave me no answers to my questions about my grandfather other than that he was my grandfather. He gave me such little information on him. Finally I gave up on getting answers and went to leave and just as I had walked out of the door I turned around and asked why they never told me, and he just told me 'because I didn't need to know' and slammed the door in my face. I would message my parents all the time when I first got there, and I rarely got a response and when I did they were short and insincere some of them I am pretty sure were written by my moms assistants. I eventually started messaging them less and less until I had basically stopped. There some years I didn't even get a happy birthday. There was even the year when I turned 8, my mom got busy at the senate and forgot about my birthday party, well I say party, it was just a get together for my parents Chewie and Lando. My father forgot about it completely, so I spent my birthday sitting in the apartment by myself, because Chewie was with my dad, and the droids were with my mother. The galaxy thought of them as 2 of the greatest people to ever exist, while I just saw them as two people who abandoned me when I needed them most. You at least got the privilege of not remembering who your parents were and them abandoning you, that's all I remember as Ben Solo. That is why I don't want to be him anymore."

"Wow." Rey said quietly after he was silent for a moment

"Well, that went from a story to a summary of my whole childhood, tell me one from yours."

"I don't think I can say no after you told me that. I didn't have many childhood experiences, but one of the few I have I'll tell you. It all started when I was scavenging and found a x-wing with a skeleton of a rebellion fighter in it, but their uniform was still mostly there ripped but there, so I took most of it and brought it home to my AT-AT that I lived in and took other scraps I had and made a doll out of it. In a rebellion uniform. She was a pilot just like the fighter I had found, but I didn't only grab the suit I also grabbed her helmet, and with her helmet and my doll, I would imagine me one day escaping Jakku and finding my family, or sometimes I was one of the rebels fighting against the Empire, flying freely on all those missions. Now I find out my parents were nobodies. That I am a nobody who just got lucky."

"Your not nobody to me."

"But to myself I am"

"... Join me."

"Ben, we have been over this. My place is in the resistance, I don't want to go to the Dark Side."

"Rey... How about we make a deal?"

"What kind of deal?"

"One where when we are in Force bonds like this, we are just Rey and Ben. We don't have to worry about everything else unless we want to."

"Deal. But can I ask something first?"

"You can ask anything you want, even when the deal is active"

"Would you join me?"

"I- I don't know."

"So not a no, so there is a chance, that one day you would join me. In the light?"

"Not necessarily the light, maybe the grey. The light isn't as pure as I once thought it. The light has betrayed me a few to many times, I don't know if I will ever be willing to go back to it. But one day I might meet you in the middle. In the grey, but for now we can be the Yin Yang, the light and the Dark, they can't exist without the other."

"I think I can live with that for now." Rey said sleepily as she slowly drifted to sleep on Ben, not Kylo but Ben, and as she fell asleep feeling safe, so did Ben, feeling free and content for the for the first time since he can remember.


End file.
